SOTD 2024-06-14 Space: The final frontier
- Brush: Semogue 2020 Best Badger
- Razor: Gillette Aristocrat Adjustable
- Blade: Dorco - Prime (4th use)
- Lather: Nobel Otter - Orbit
- Post Shave: Henri et Victoria - La Poire Francaise balm
These are the voyages of the Gillette Adjustable.
Its continuing mission: to explore strange new soaps;
to seek out new balms and new aftershave splashes;
to boldly go where many razors have gone before!
Captain's log Earthdate 2024.06.14: We received an urgent request from Starfleet;
a planet nestled deep in the Tertiary Leo Corpus sector of the galaxy called Iroc-Z.
This planet, located in the Camaro system, was facing a humanitarian crisis.
Due to the ~~reports of blue women on the planet~~ urgent humanitarian need,
we cranked up the Adjustable to factor 9 and raced to the planet Iroc-Z.
After being reminded of Starfleet regulations on warp speeds and the risk of tearing the
fabric of shavespace at factor 9, I reluctantly reduced speed to factor 8.
I think in future I'm just going to ignore that regulation since factor 9 works remarkably well.
On the topic of Starfleet regulations, we had a special passenger on this voyage:
Of the Noble Otter family, one known as "Orbit".
I had the "wonderful pleasure" of explaining to said Noble Otter that Starfleet regulations now
prohibit the use of regular menthol and we can only use synthetic menthol (or "Synthehol").
When we reached Iroc-Z we learned more about this crisis:
Half of the population were knowns as "Scrubs" and the other half "No-Scrubs".
Apparently the "Scrubs" (also known as "Bustas") were spending most of their days hollaring at the "No-Scrubs".
Clearly this was a matter of great concern.
However, one of the crew came up with a brilliant plan:
That plan was to guide the Scruba (as they liked to call them) to non-scrubatude;
using an internally inconsistent list of dos and do nots.
So we left a post on their planet-wide message board with the plan and left the planet before we could
see how well it actually turned out.
Perhaps we'll come back and check on them in a later season; or a crew our clones will stumble upon them.
I do hope we didn't leave any technology behind that could be copied and accidentally advance them beyond their
normal development speed.
We didn't just leave because we are morally irresponsible ~~and discovered the reports of blue women were false~~;
We also received another urgent request from our own solar system.
The request came from the Mars base commander, Rob Zombie. Apparently, Mars needs women; angry red women.
And so, we are currently on route to Mars.