July 28, 2023
- Brush: Assured for Men – 18mm Synthetic Shaving Brush #RUNT
- Razor: Assured for Men – Double Edge Safety Razor
- Blade: Assured for Men Double Edge Blades
- Lather: Luxury Men – Smooth Glide Shave Gel
- Post Shave: XtraCare – Fresh Scent After Shave
- Fragrance: Bod Man – Really Ripped Abs
- Music: Lil Dicky feat. Fetty Wap and Rich Homie Quan - Save Dat Money
Anyone that knows me, know I LOVE a good deal, so imagine my surprise when I went to the local Dollar Tree and discovered they have shaving gear! Like an idiot, I’ve been shelling out my hard-earned money to “artisans” for far too long. It’s about time I helped to open the eyes of r/wetshaving to the scam that is the hobby of shaving. We've all been duped and I wonder how deep this whole thing goes. Are our esteemed djudges in on this? Are all of you sock-puppet accounts for Big-Artisan-Soap?? Am I the only free thinker here???
At Dollar Tree, you can get a Double Edge Safety Razor AND 5 blades for the low price of $1.25. Is that cheaper than a Wolfman or a CF Legacy? Why, yes. Yes it is – I did the math twice to make sure.
What about a Shaving Brush? $1.25. Is that cheaper than a Declaration Grooming brush? Absolutely! And will this Assured for Men brand follow through on its commitments? Undoubtedly. Will DG? We know, the answer to that is unfortunately no.
For the Lather? $1.25 AND its aloe enriched! Does House of Mammoth put aloe his soaps? They absolutely do not! Why is this Ben guy trying to scam us! Is he cutting corners and skipping the aloe? And if we know he doesn’t have aloe, I think it’s reasonable to wonder… What else is he skimping out on?? The people need to know the truth!
For post-shave? You guessed it: $1.25! And it doesn’t have the bullshit snake-oil “skin food” that these so called “artisan brands” have! You know what my skin lacks? Mouths. If skin doesn’t have a mouth, how can it eat this so-called “skin-food”? I’M JUST ASKING QUESTIONS HERE PEOPLE!!
And finally, for the fragrance, I had to spend a bit more to acquire this. Dollar Tree didn’t have fragrances, so I drove to Dollar General and I hit the jackpot! I bought 3.4 ounces (100ml) of fragrance for $4.50 – or $0.045 cents per ml. That charlatan Shawn Maher is charging AT LEAST $120 FOR HALF AS MUCH – 50ml. That’s a whopping $2.40 per ml! Algebra was never my strong suit, but that’s like 787x what Bod Man charges. Sure, it’s possible a Maher Olfactive fragrance is slightly better… But 787 times better??? You do the math! Plus, according to their website, Bod Man is America’s #1 Men’s Fine Fragrance Brand. I can only imagine how many Golden Pears they’ve won. Must be tripping over them at Bod Man HQ!
So, all I’m saying is open your eyes and be willing to try new things. You may be surprised to find that there are products out there are aren’t artisan, but still get the job done just as good! Originally, I thought it’d be fun to shave outside my local Dollar Tree, but then I thought shaving in a more controlled environment would be more informative. Ultimately, I decided it’d be fun to write this and then shave with everything, on video, in my bathroom for my honest first reactions to this entire set-up. At the time of writing this, none of these have been opened yet and I haven’t smelled or sprayed anything at this point in time. It’s worth noting, that I picked this software because it was all blue. And I happen to like the color blue.
Click here for the first impression video.
You guys. Real talk. Gonna break character for a minute. I stopped recording and my face was on fire. And everything is irritated. I don’t like this feeling and I can’t pretend anymore. I’m legitimately afraid to shave with any of this stuff ever again. Oh, and this shit smells gross. While the splash actually wasn’t bad, it still a big #FOF fail. It smells bad, sad, and…. Really fucking sad. Seriously... But, to spin this: This may actually smell better than War or Peach Chypre…. So… I’m just saying DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH!! Poor u/OnionMiasma is being hunted for sending hazardous smells in the mail. That’s proof that you could do a lot worse than the scents of this set-up! This was sad, but not exactly offensive. OK. The Bod Man was kinda offensive... But... It was FRUGAL!!!
Also, very funny the packaging was the razor has a stainless steel handle, but the handle is very much plastic.
BTW – That shit I said about Declaration Grooming was absolutely true. I’m out on Scoot until he makes good on u/djundjila’s 2022 LG Prize.
For the #photocontest. Pets (alive or dead). I’m glad the category for pets includes the caveat that they can be dead. Because that’s what I’m including today! This tiny metal vial is a keychain, which has the partial remains of my first dog, Casper. When we had to put him down, we cremated him. My mom has the majority of is ashes in an urn at her house (which are to be buried with her when she dies). And my sister and I each got a little vial/keychain of his ashes. I carried this around on my keychain for years, but now, I just keep it in my desk drawer.
Just because I’m not using a traditional artisan shaving products or fragrances today, doesn’t mean I don’t have an interview! I was able to get Dan, the cashier from Dollar Tree, to answer some questions about the shaving products I found there. So thank you Dan, the cashier from Dollar Tree, for answering my questions and spending your day scanning hundreds of different items, which all cost $1.25!
10 Questions with… Dan, the cashier at Dollar Tree
1) What can you tell me about this safety razor?
It costs $1.25.
2) A dollar-twenty-five seems like a heck of a deal for a razor and 5 blades! Do you sell a lot of these?
I don’t think so…
3) This might be the best kept secret in all of wetshaving! Do you know the blades are more like Feather Blades or Nacets?
I guess you’ll have to try it to find out.
4) Good point. Blades are very subjective and vary from person to person. I shouldn’t have put you on the spot like that. Can we talk about the brush for a minute? Do you know what the hair fibers are made out of?
You kinda have a line forming behind you.
5) Of course! Do you know how much residual slickness this Luxury Men Smooth Glide Shave Gel offers between passes?
Residual what?
6) Nevermind. What scent notes are prominently featured in the shave gel?
The label says it’s aloe enriched.
7) Does aloe have a scent?
I don’t know, man. What are you asking all these questions?
8) It’s for this series I’m working on for the Lather Games and--
What’s the Lather Games?
9) It’s an internet shaving competition that I’m trying to win. Long story. But I ask the questions around here! What can you tell me about this aftershave splash?
It’s blue.
10) Beyond the color. Like, what does the smell remind you of? What’s the history of the scent-profile? How is the post shave feel??
Your total today is $5.31.