July 5, 2023 – Canned Shave Goop * Brush: Lefty
Razor: Blackland Blackbird Ti
Blade: Gillette Silver Blue (2)
Lather: Dollar Shave Club – Shave Butter
Post Shave: Thayer’s - Original * Fragrance: Duke Cannon - Huron

The day I dreaded most on the calendar is here, mass-produced shave day, and it didn’t disappoint. It’s been well over a decade since I swore off the junk sold in the markets, and admittedly I had almost forgotten why. So I made a trip out to Target and without further ado I bring you my experience.

The Goop: Dollar Shave Club (DSC) Shave Butter is one of those products no one ever asked for but was thought up by a person who has never and probably will never use it. I mean one of its main marketing points is that it goes on clear. Sounds great until you try to slather on this greasy clear goop with a scent reminiscent of cardboard. I almost didn’t even use the stuff, but unlike u/alg82 I feel the weight of u/djundjila djudging me and I’m not here “djust participating.”

The Shave: So I went ahead and used this foul goo, but there was no way in hell it was ever touching my brush. To be honest I don’t think it would ever come out if I did. Instead I went with my least favorite hand (lefty) and coated myself like a greased hog. I will give to DSC, they nailed some sort of slickness. The cushion factor however was non-existent as the stuff goes on almost like oil. I thought about using a mild razor for safety purposes, but by this point I was fully committed and I’m not about to half-ass this. So away I went with the harshest shave I’ve ever experienced. What skin wasn’t cut was left feeling like I shaved with sand paper with most of the hair removed. I remember now why I left this stuff.

Post Shave/Frag: After the delightful shave experience came the next hurdle, getting this goop off my face. Cleaning the slime from my face took a fair amount of water and towels, but I soldiered on and kind of prevailed. For my post shave and frag I decided to keep the Target shopping experience alive and went with Thayer’s Original for my aftershave and topped it off with some Duke Cannon Huron.

Theme: All software can easily be found in my, and maybe your, local Target. You too can experience the joys of Dollar Shave Club Shave Butter.

Challenge: Admittedly I’ve never thought of what I would choose for a scent. I’m no perfumer but I will do my best and if it already exists direct me to it. The theme for the soap would be a forest by the ocean. Evergreen scents of Spruce, Pine, and cedar would contend with notes of sea water and ozone. To liven the scent up a little bit perhaps a little rose and mint subtlety. Some mild citrus notes of bergamot and a touch of oakmoss should just about round it out. Would it be good… probably not, but I’d give it a shot.

#ROTY