July 23, 2023 – LG Day 23 – Compliments and Audits
- Brush: Maggard Timberwolf Synthetic 24mm
- Razor: Razorock Mamba 70
- Blade: Lord Classic
- Lather: Wickham Soap Co. – Club Cola
- Post Shave: Noble Otter – Monoi de Tahiti
- Fragrance: Kerosene – Unknown Pleasures
Ah, hello there! Sorry, I thought the IRS was coming tomorrow…did I miss a call saying you were coming today instead? What? You’re not the IRS? The Internal LATHERING Service? Oh, okay…well, welcome to my bathroom, I guess. Pardon the mess, I really wasn’t expecting you. I guess that’s the point of an audit, right? If I was expecting you then I would have time to hide things…not that I have anything to hide!!! No, nothing to hide here! Sorry, let me show you around.
Well, over here is my Razorock Mamba 70 razor, loaded with a Lord Classic. I know, it’s not the most popular blade, but it works just fine. It’s a pretty good shaver, mild, but it does the trick. It’s nice to be able to turn off my brain once in a while…no! I didn’t meant that, I promise — I’m always paying attention! Not falling asleep on the job, no siree, not me!
How’s my lather? Well, I used Wickham Club Cola today. 1912 vintage, vegetal…nice and cruelty free! Although tallow might make it a little softer and easier to load…but you can’t beat that smell! I mean, do you get that enchanting aroma? I get compliments on this all the time. My partner loves it. No! I mean my domestic partner. No, she’s not an employee…oh, well, I guess you wouldn’t care about that. Sorry, I really wasn’t prepared for you, I’ve been preparing for the IRS, getting files in order, all that. Anyway, this gives a slick shave, and a rewarding lather if you put in the effort.
You want to see my lather? That’s a bit personal, don’t you think? Maybe you want to hear about my splash and fragrance first. Check out this Monoi de Tahiti. Floral, sweet vanilla, some tropical coconut, ginger, lime…you’ve gotta love it. Everyone does. It just makes you imagine you’re at the beach, drinking a tropical beverage, and not in your bathroom with strangers…oh, did I say that out load? I’m so, so sorry. I don’t mind that you’re here at all! Wait, what are you writing down? I didn’t mean it, sir, I promise! Don’t you want to hear about Unknown Pleasures? Tea, honey, lemon, vanilla…it’s like being at one of those coffee shops that makes affogatos, you know? And the sweetness here really just doubles…no, triples down on my fragrances today. What a beautiful, sweet, vanilla shave. Don’t you wanna tell me I smell nice? Everybody does. That’s not professional, you say? I’m so sorry, sir. Just trying to make sure you understand where I’m coming from…but I guess you’re not here to audit my #FOF, are you…
Okay, okay, I know. You wanna see my lather. Let me just whip that up real quick…no, no, I’m gonna head lather as usual. No precision lathering, no GUTL, I don’t want you to think I’m cheating. If you see the real thing, you promise you’ll leave? You’ll close my case? I really don’t have time for another audit from you guys. Okay, okay. Here you go. Be kind, please. You want to see the back, too?! That’s not exactly what most people would call safe for work, you know…okay, okay, fine. Here’s the back. That’s all there is to see!
Now you’ve seen my lather, front and back. Are you done? I have an actual audit to prepare for. Wait a second, you never showed me any identification! Who are you really? How did you get in my house?! Why are you locking the door?!?