June 21, 2024 – Where the Red Fern Grows
- Brush: AP Shave Co. 22mm Faux Horse w/ Ruby Ripple Handle
- Razor: Gillette Tech
- Blade: Feather (DE) (4)
- Lather: Zingari – Mousse Illuminée
- Post Shave: Zingari – Unscented
- Fragrance: Zingari – The Highlander Extrait
There once was a shaver named Priusaurus
Who’s face hiding was really sus.
While his bits got old
The judges were sold
And they chose to ignore all of us.
Fougère, the smell of ferns if ferns had a smell. Or more specifically the outdoors. Now I want to get the elephant in the room out of the way. There was some discussion on whether this was a fougère but as noted it is specifically called one on the soaper’s site. The label has ferns all over it. We can debate endlessly what it really is, but for the sake of the rules it fits as noted in the above linked post. (Though I am skeptical Rogue lets that out the door without some input so maybe it is a Fougère) But what to do with the smell of outside? Well, the first thing we do is take a day off work. Second is to curse that u/oldhiker day was yesterday. But my work schedule is what it is because “Work Sucks.” You got the backyard shave yesterday, but the full circus today. Third thing we do is realize my daughter also has a day off camp and I’m watching her today. That means, fourth thing is tell her “Get in the car we’re going shaving.” (Addendum, son’s camp was canceled this morning due to a water main break. So, both kids got dragged into this).
See, the judges seem to really want public shaves. They just collect legendary points. It’s true u/priusaurus has basically patented the outdoors/in public shave. But I would contend doing it in the urban jungle is just wrong and perhaps a bit played out. In fact, it’s the antithesis of shaving. Now while u/airbudruler’s relationship with the verb “shave” is of some debate, the one thing he absolutely gets right is that shaving is a selfcare mentality. A relaxing bit of our day. This doesn’t preclude hijinks. New challenges (like leg shaving or figuring out how to balance your gear for a picture) can add a feeling of accomplishment to the shave. That feeling you get when you conquer a new battle or learn a new skill. But shaving on a street corner? That’s just stressful, you can’t enjoy it. You gotta rush, worry about being shooed away, etc. Shaving while mowing the lawn? That’s just a chore. Shaving while being sprayed in the face by a water toy? Not bad, but I did that last year.
No, if you want to get in touch with shaving as relaxation you have to go “touch grass,” as the zoomers might say. Get into nature as it were. u/onionmiasma came so close with is beach shave last year probably because it was my idea! But in the end, he landed at The Bean shaving in the urban jungle with his underwear on the ground. So sad! So, I’m going to execute the relaxing outdoor shave this year to show everyone how it should be. I’m going to go back to my hoosier (no not Indiana, the local definition) roots here, and take y’all on a hike. While I’m heartend by the number of people who did this yesterday, unlike everyone who packed it up and went home, we’re gonna enjoy the great outdoors for a day, in solitude (uhh well trio-tude, remember I got the kids today.)
First up, local conservation area. Missouri has a strange conservation system. Almost 10% of our land is some sort of park. Lots of open land even before you get to the farms. This particular conservation area is of the “untamed wilderness” variety. Which means a poorly marked trail and otherwise left to grow on its own. Thick with trees. We’re gonna hike down into the forest, where ferns grow, and shave. But first, we need our lather plate. Then settle, lather, and shave
Having shaved, a quick stop by the post office to send u/priusaurus a little gift, then off to a giant nuclear waste pile. Yes, you read that right. See, Missouri refined a lot of uranium and plutonium for the atomic bomb program. Like all things in the 1950s this was done poorly and contaminated a huge area. The cleanup resulted in a 75-foot-tall, 41 acre, pile of rocks covering the container with the most contaminated soil. It’s a [DOE “Interpretative Site”] (https://www.energy.gov/lm/weldon-spring-site-interpretive-center) now. You can take a set of stairs up the pile. It’s the tallest non-building point in the metro area. My daughter and I are going to see how far we can throw a line-of-sight ham signal from here. u/absenth did some math for me and came up with possibly as far as Kansas City. Now, I say this to make a broader point. Maybe we can bury the toxic sludge of this urban shave obsession that has polluted lather games 75ft under a pile of rocks, in a lead lined container, like this radioactive waste, and use the resulting pile to reach new distances! (It’s over 100 degrees up here BTW, so not enough time to shave before heat exhaustion sets in. Giant limestone pile, the sun, physics.)
Finally, my kids and I are going to go to yet another conservation area, right next to the waste pile. This one is “ponds, ponds, and lakes” (and old military bunkers, see uranium processing above). We’re going fishing. Why? We like fishing. It’s relaxing. It’s selfcare. A fitting end to a day of fern smells and outdoors play. Y’all can keep your urban jungle. If I’m gonna shave outside, in public, I’m gonna do it somewhere relaxing.
For #photocontest: Air. My lather plate was a plant! They make Air. For #fof, these are all Zingari products, but the soap and frag both compliment this outdoor day. Whether it’s a fougère or not Moose Illumani smells like the outdoors. And The Highlander is “olfactory journey through the majestic Scottish Highlands.” Another not quite fougère but conjuring the great outdoors. I bridged them with unscented because I had nothing else that made sense. Kids also got a highlander spray so we can all enjoy the great outdoors smelling great together. They were happy.